i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
