So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
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