So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
