she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
