I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Randomize
