Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i think i have herpe
just one?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize