Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
