Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
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