you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
you told grandpa to call you daddy
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
