i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
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I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
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I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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