I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
A+ Viking dick
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
