Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
