He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
