can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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