So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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