would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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