Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
