Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
