you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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