Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I have tasted many bathrooms
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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