I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
