I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You've changed since you got that strap on
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
