one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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