Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
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We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
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There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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