Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
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