I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
