believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
