his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
