lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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