no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
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