The maid of honor just puked.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
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After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
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Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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