mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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