he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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