my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
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And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
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Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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