maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
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If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
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I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize