Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
