My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
tonight lets celebrate not being married
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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