Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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