Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
