remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize