Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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