I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
