Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
