it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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