dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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