Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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