I accidentally had phone sex last night
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
