I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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