Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
