I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
