so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
