my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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