I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
