i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
