As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Randomize
