I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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