I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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