cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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