You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Randomize
