my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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