Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Randomize
