i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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